V,
I must admit that it is easier to sit down and write when things feel like they are crumbling down. If feels like a pressing issue. A necesity. Regardless, I admit that I have been thinking about how important and necessary it is to do it when things are going better. When peace and hope start shining through. It must be a some sort of ingrained ungratefulness in me that makes me feel so comfortable so quickly, instead of holding on in awe of the pain and emotional turmoil that we are able to create. I am not suggesting that we should linger on the pain and make these things longer than they naturally and become resentful, I am just saying that if I was more mindful about what all these things mean, I would continue feeling as much, engaging as much, writing as much, once we get to a better place.
Indeed things have been better. I feel normal. I feel like I am allowed to love you again. I feel you existing more vibrantly and cheerful and loving again. I missed you. I will try to write more frequently. About you, about our love, about us. Today, I just wanted to check in.
- M